lillamy said, "I tried getting him to get evaluated for the different disorders and mental illnesses I amateur-diagnosed in him. He was furious and accused me of not accepting him the way he was, etc. When I finally left and he was facing criminal charges, he agreed. He got some diagnosis. He said he wouldn't get any treatment because I was forcing him to pay too much child support."
That's classic. I agree, it doesn't matter. Treatment is optional, insanity is optional. My exH chooses to act the way he acts, and that includes taking me to court. Then he sent me an e-mail that says it wasn't his decision to take me to court, it was the court's decision. He no longer has physical custody of the kids because he was verbally, emotionally, and physically aggressive toward them. He isn't paying the support he's supposed to pay, and claims that I'm stressing him out and he should not be accountable because what I want is unreasonable.
And he doesn't even drink much, at least, not last I knew. When we were married I definitely didn't think he had a "drinking problem", it was a "dry drunk problem." Both of us have lots of alcoholism in our family trees.
So I don't think diagnosis matters...that only helps in the sense that I know I'm not alone when I read the diagnostic criteria, but then again I can just as easily find out that I'm not alone by coming here or attending an Alanon meeting. If I let myself get too wrapped up in the "chicken or egg" dilemma I feel like I'm lending too much energy to something I don't want.
posie