nicam,
Your post very clearly conveys the pain, suffering and grief that this man has caused in your life. You really, really need to kick this man to the curb and move on with your own life, you deserve better than this.
I fully agree with dollydo, who suggested therapy. Only you can turn this around, with the help of a good therapist who can help you examine your own needs in this relationship.
I so hope you find the courage and strength to put an end to this relationship, the sooner the better.