I started getting better when I began to believe actions instead of words. I know that is easier said then done.
Learning about the cycle of grief helped me a lot too. No my loved one did not die, but he was wrapped up in his disease, and he had lost himself. More importantly I had lost myself. Learning about the stages etc helped me to normalize my feelings.
Al-anon helped, as did counseling. I had a deal with my counselor that if she thought I needed anti-depressents I would start on them....no questions asked.