Bobby, I have been where you are, tired, weary and longing for a better life.
I've not been here on SR long, just a couple of days, and been sober for 5 days now (hopefully the last of many attempts to quit drinking).
Sounds as though it is time to focus on those wonderful opportunities in front of you.
I don't know what will help you, Bobby. It helped me to pour every last drop of booze down the sink and get rid of all empties right away. I've also gotten rid of my drinking paraphernalia.