Dear kittenkaboodle,
Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. My 21 year old son is a heroin addict and I am not in contact with him. I am so glad you found this site. It helps me get through each day. The stickys are fantastic and the support from our fellow posters is wonderful.
Have you ready the book "Addict in the Family" by Beverly Conyers? I am reading it now and it is helping me a lot. The stories and patterns she describes are so familiar. Slowly I am seeing how living with my son's addiction caused me to change my behavior in unhealthy ways. Looking back, it seems so obvious how warped my thinking was...but at the time, I couldn't see it. Now that I am not in contact with him, it's time for me to release myself from the burden of HIS problem and focus on healthier thoughts and behaviors for myself.
Have you been to an Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meeting? That is my next step. I am challenging myself to attend at least one meeting next week. (I have trouble with procrastination and anxiety -- if I make small goals for myself it helps.)
Most of all, be kind to yourself. As is often quoted here, remember this: You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it. <3
