I..by no means am in a place to give advice..but I can tell you what I've experience the last 3 months.
I left my RAH end of September, I was scared to death. After he watched me pack for a week without saying a word he grabbed his hunting gear on Friday left for the weekend..then came back on Sunday saying he had no idea I was leaving. REALLY???? He didn't want me to leave..he says...too late now..on Saturday I had found an apartment, signed a lease. He didnt say a word the whole week..and went I attempted to talk about it and ask is this what he really wants...no response. So I had HUGE guilt for leaving him..as he put it..I abandoned him... i was sooo terribly confused..honestly the first month was horrible..a part of me wanted to be back with him..i guess because it was all I knew..maybe like some sort of comfort zone. And even though I sincerely thought he wanted me gone...he guilted me that I was believing I was a horrible person.
The 2nd month was better...that's when I decided to start going to church again(he didn't like my church...too contempary..so we never went) and Celebrate Recovery every Monday night..it's like Al-anon but with a worship service. It took most of that month to feel like I can breath and have a complete thought that only involved my needs..wow!
I'm currently into my 3rd month since I left..and even though we are still on the fence as far as "to divorce or not to divorce"..I can tell my confidence and self-estem are growing..baby steps..but last night we had a fight and I didn't melt into puddle..I didn't even cry..he hung up on me..and I didn't call him back. 3 months ago I would have rang his phone off the hook and then if he didn't answer..drive to the house....my co-dependant brain thinks that is ok..lol.
Haha...I guess the moral to this (long) story..is that if you do feel you should leave..even if it's for a lil while...time does help you heal. And you find out the world still continues to revolve without him being in the center. I know I am still a long ways to being better..and I expect I will hit the wall a hundred more times. But I can honestly say that today..this minute..I feel pretty good. I haven't said that in a very long time.
Thoughts and prayers for you
