akrasia

I agree wholeheartedly with the above advice regarding detachment, and focusing on your younger kids. And getting support in doing so, be it Al-Anon or something else.

But there's something very off about the whole exchange with Halee, from the way it's recounted here. I can sort of see Halee wanting to talk to you to let you know how bad things are with Amber. But then the whole sexual story, in such detail? If I heard a story about a drunk daughter that had the phrase "hot tub" and "guy" I would just want to interrupt: "LALALA okay I actually get the picture." And Halee's sitting there recounting even the "motorboat" stuff? It sounds like Halee was either trying to hurt you, or--I don't know--is there something wrong with her?

And the facebook pictures? Why did Haley need to show you the tattoo?

It must be terrible to hear of your daughter putting herself in vulnerable positions, but you seem to be focusing on that in great detail. It's just as sad to think of the way alcohol must be affecting her career, her education, her health, at such a young age.

I hope you can get some peace for yourself and the rest of your family. Are there some resources in your town for Al-Anon or similar?