Choublak-
I got a different and great perspective on this when I went to marriage counseling (some with my husband), but I just finished up over a year seeing her individually after the demise of my relationship. She had a very different perspective on the whole codependancy piece.
She had me do a lot of stuff based on the work of Brett Atkinson (it might be Brent). There was an essence of detachment in that work, but then about coming back together again. Essentially it was that you needed to be able to stand strong on your own to not get swept up in a relationship. I found it a nice balance to the way I was living before. I have not yet tried it in a relationship (I am no where near ready for that), but it helped to integrate what I was learning about detachment.
It also helped me to see that with my husband and his addiction concerns he was probably not in a place to meet me halfway. That does not mean it could not happen in another situation.