our own unhealthy (how could it be anything but unhealthy) attachment to the addict has its own cunning, baffling & powerful (three words used in recovery to describe addiction) side. in the silence of no contact we experience the withdrawal of that other...the person...the addict...the object of our unhealthy (how could it be anything but unhealthy) affection. experiencing that withdrawal is painful. it is especially painful when our unexamined need/desire/love/attachment/interest/hopes/dreams seem to be from the heart and "innocent". we got burned in our attempt to be in relationship with an addict.
cunning...baffling...powerful...our ego, our torment, our withdrawal makes us want to reattach...pick up the phone, send the text, write the email.
the rat in the cage keeps tapping the lever for sugar over and over and over and over
we call, we text, we write.
we want healthy response, we want retribution, we want apology, we want, sometimes, to just be talked back into the unhealthy fantasy. it is easier than going the painful distance through the fire of withdrawal.
BUT!!!! eventually...if we work at it, get help, read about it, gain insight...the cunning and baffling and powerful urge to contact will melt away.
I pray for you.
I was fortunate, VERY fortunate, that my addict and I parted on financial balance. it was one way that I tried to assure myself that I wasn't enabling him throughout our time together. If I had been stolen from my resentment would be even greater and it would be even harder...I pray you find strength. Look for strength in others...
As I will. I just received a 4 page email today. I will admit that it is a "sugar lever" for me and I am not yet not a rat in a cage...I respond, viscerally.