struggling with no contact
Well, I had a bit of a relapse yesterday on my no-contact decision with my ABF. The truth is that this no-contact thing has been as much his decision as mine. A month ago, he just disappeared. I have since changed my phone number and deleted him from skype, so I guess it was sort of mutual, but the truth is that he really hasn't tried to contact me. I left one of my e-mails open, hoping he would want to pay me back eventually, and there's been no word. I think that he must have gotten the money he was expecting, because God knows that when he doesn't have money, I am one of the first people he contacts. Anyway, the curiosity and worry about what happened to him has been wearing on me, and then churning the situation around in my head, and thinking he must have money and hasn't paid me back, has been making me so angry. So a couple days ago I sent him a text asking him to please e-mail me and tell me what is going on with him. And then yesterday when I hadn't heard from him, I tried repeatedly to call. He didn't pick up. I know that he probably did me a huge favor by not picking up. Even if I never see the money he owes me, it will be worth it for my peace of mind. Looking back, I still can't believe that I ignored so many red flags and kept handing him more cash, even after I knew that he is a verbally abusive, manipulative, cocaine-addled liar. It's not even that I feel in love with him anymore or want him back, I think at this point I am more just angry and want to hold him accountable! But ugh, I know I have to let this go so that I can move on and find a better life for myself. Anyway, I just wanted to vent, and I guess to be reminded by all the supportive people here that no contact is the way to go.