He got weepy throughout this. Why doesn't he get mad at his father? Am I really being too stern? I know intellectually that he feels safer getting emotional with me and getting mad at me that I will not leave him, but emotionally it hurts really bad.
No you are NOT being too stern. You are being the CONSISTENT RESPONSIBLE parent, and unfortunately, he is a teenager. Teenagers 'push' the envelope constantly, and then get 'weepy', then get 'angry', then get 'flippant', then get 'rebellious', then get 'weepy', and on and on and on.
Now yes there is another 'balliwick' in this picture ........................... his father is a practicing alcoholic and right now in your son's eyes, his dad is 'cool.'
It might be time to reconsider some therapy for your son, whether he says he wants it or not, and let a qualified psychologist earn his trust, and/or revisit the idea of Alateen for him, where he will find 'peers' going through the same kinds of things and will get some support there from others in his 'age bracket.'
You, however, are not too stern. You are a watchful, steadfast, loving parent and I M H O you are doing a REALLY GOOD job under the circumstances!
Love and hugs,