Thank you all for your time and effort typing today!
I feel more peaceful listening to your advice, I am still holding on to the fact that he can change with my help. Even though I have detached somewhat over the year and my sanity had returned until this episode occurred and I became so emotionally charged. I can feel compassion and care for him without seeing him. I can pray for him, I can detach lovingly without anger.
I am going to print out your responses and keep them in my pocket for a while. I just needed more practice. Sometimes when I go to my al-anon meetings I do get a lot from them, but this site is soooo much better on so many levels. I listen to what you all say and take what I want and leave the rest, but I use what gives me peace of mind and gives me that intuitive balance that has served me right.