Bonbon -
What you are feeling is totaly normal. You (we) all need to love ourselves first before we can even begin to have anyone else love us.
You have been on a major rollercoaster ride for a while now and last weekend your car went off the track. You have to feel what you are feeling. You know how you deserve to be treated and you should not settle for anything less. The feelings of lonliness are normal.
I wish I had some wise words to make you feel better but I don't. All I can say (((bon bon))) is here is a hug for you. You have to walk through this.
A great person posted to me the other day this saying and I want to pass it on to you -
Courage is fear that has said it's prayers!!
Pray for courage to walk through the pain that you feel. Pray for serenity!