I have so much that I want to say .. but can't really find the words. I also am the alcoholic wife that got left, after almost 25 years of marriage. We were best friends.. loved, laughed, grew together, planned for happy things. But, for whatever reasons, our lives changed little by little, and I turned to booze while he looked the other way in silence, putting up with me. I was a happy drunk, but I am sure he had many of the same feelings as you wrote about. I hid how much I drank, but not the fact that I liked my drink .. and I would always have one "on the go".
When my husband left, he didn't even bring up my drinking.. or much of anything .. but only that we grew apart. I wish he would have talked about his feelings on my drinking. I know I was in denial right up to and after he left ... and I know my drinking was a huge part of where our lives ended up where they were, but it was never discussed.
The really sad thing for me is - I am now a sober person, as we go through our divorce .. and he doesn't even know me. He hasn't seen me in a long time. He doesn't know I am finally "me" again.. I even look like the old healthy me now .. the loving, nice, caring, non-judgemental, sober girl that he loved for all of those years .. before I turned from him and to booze.
He doesn't know .. and probably doesn't care. And I don't blame him.
Thank you for sharing things from your point of view. I cried as I imagined my ex saying the same things. What hurts the most about all of this is that I wasn't worth saying those things to.