Man Steve,
I've been here a long da#% time. Longer than I should have. I see you're still stuck. Nothing changes if nothing changes. She's not capable of change right now, YOU are. Yet you refuse to take the advice of those who've walked before you. I wish you the best, but if you're not going to MOVE and take action. EXPECT to stay complacent, cause she's not gonna do it. She's using you like a tool, but you don't see it. If you're going to live this life and all that it entails, so be it. Why ask for help and advice if you're not going to listen anyway? I know I was a HARD head when it came to my xah, but I at least listened to the advice here, bit by bit.
One piece of advice. When did you come here initially. Reread that first post. Are you any farther along? I thought I was many times, but I wasn't. Do you see the dwindling advice that you are getting because it's falling on deaf ears. JMHO, some of the hardest on me, helped me the most.