Hi XX......
I have just finished reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker(really good read)and as I am now 16 months into parting from my XAH,and he since about October has started to moniter my comings and go-in's,following me,(Alanon meets) sending letter, getting bolder, driving down my street,and now believe he has moved back into my area.
My approach to him is totally NO CONTACT,that means to me, I dont even want to talk to him, to tell him that my bounderies are clear that I am sticking by my bounderies and want no contact., because any contact I have with him, 'is CONTACT'.
My safety is of paramount importance to me, I have even told my friends and family not to speak to him,as that could jeapordise my safety,and also jeapordise their saftey,as A's like to involve 3rd parties.
I have changed my locks,(to my home)
I have answer phone on all the time(with an ID fitted) and if a number comes through I dont know 'I block it'( he will get or run out of numbers to use)
I carry an alarm around with me (even if I go into the garden)
I have changed my routes and routines(even my Al-anon venues)
I have informed Victim Support, to get support.
I am not involving Police or Courts as yet, as that could insight him to do more, as any attention for an A or dysfunctional person , whether it is good or bad, is still attention.They dont care what it is or which it is.
I have had to have a long talk with my friends and relatives about this matter as they believe that just by telling him to go away and leave me alone that he will ! ,that is not the case,I know him better than them, my experience of him is better than theirs,as is my knowledge of alcoholismn.
As it says in the Gavin De Becker book, I had weak No's and they know that, I dont care if I don't sound polite. My NO means no,and I dont have to contact my XAH to tell him that, I ignore him,
I am so glad I got this book, along with this SR site and the many stickies ,my Al-anon meetings , I have and am becoming stronger,( there are many books I have which have contributed to my wellness concerning A's and about myself,why I do things or did things in a particular way)I dont get it right all the time,I am still a work in progress,but what a journey,
I wish you safety
Take what you like and leave the rest