it's two weeks since I found out AXBF was using again and lying about it, I had him move out. There are bubbles of sadness that come up...I mean I was happy as a single woman before I met him 2 years ago, but the charm, the romance, the partnership (for what it was worth) the playmate, the physicality...all up in smoke with the relapsing crack addiction.
who wants to be single and start all over??? well, I have to admit that aside from the annoyance of knowing that I am going to miss a lot about him, and that my grief of loss will bubble up...because I did love him, aside from the obvious break up grief there is an overwhelming sense of letting go, and peace, and freedom,
as Florence sings...it's hard to dance with the devil on your back...so shake it off
just letting some folks out there know that letting go has a majority percentage of relief and freedom rather than just grief. at first I was afraid to admit this because it felt like it would be saying I didn't really ever love him. not true. we give it our all until we realize we are done.