Wow, I can relate to a lot of that, pigtails. I posted on here a month or so back about a time when I came home from an AA meeting and my wife was drunk -- how it made me feel like I wasn't being supported, or that it seemed fundamentally "wrong" somehow for my significant other to be drinking at home when I'm so newly sober -- but the good people of SR set me straight on that, and you seem to already know that your recovery needs to be independent of anything that anyone else does or doesn't do. It still bothers me on some level when she drinks and we more or less just stay in seperate parts of the house when she is. One day, I assume it won't bother me at all, or she'll decide not to drink, but that's not today.
It also seems like the better I get, the more depressive and negative about her life she gets. And while I try to be as supportive, caring, and compassionate as I can be, I really don't know how to help her. I don't even know if the fact that I'm getting better is even remotely tied to her depression, or if it's just a seasonal thing, or whatever (she's always suffered from depression, but it seems worse lately). It's good to know that I'm not the only one going through that, so thank you for posting. I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don't even have any for myself on this one. Maybe someone wiser will come along and help both of us out.
--Fenris.