I was so confused with my feelings the first several months that sorting them out was impossible. Shame was big... Like somehow I had invalidated everything... That I had compromised my integrity so much that things would never ever be OK, that I couldn't be the man I wanted to be.
Turns out I was wrong.
Feelings are not to be trusted early on. Get recovered. Worry about that, about you... This other stuff will work out... Just not the first couple of days. Hang in there !!