I can't say that I have experienced what you have. But I have found it extremely enlightening to pop over to the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum and read about the havoc alcohol wreaks in the lives of our loved ones. The cyber equivilant of "walking a mile in their shoes" so to speak.
One thing stands out. It is what we do that is being measured, not what we say. You have to earn back the trust. Good luck.