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Old 11-22-2011, 07:33 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Thumper
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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I would suggest going to individual therapy with a counselor specializing in addictions and abuse. I felt that my short term counseling during my seperatation from my xah was invaluable on a number of levels.

SR was very helpful to me and I read the stickies many many times. I printed some things out that I felt really 'spoke' to me so I could read them at different times of the day if I wanted to.

I got a lot out of the book 'Co-Dependent No More'

If you want to add al-anon down the line you can. It is everywhere, you just show up, and it is free. The meetings I went to spoke of of a higher power but they took pains to explain that it didn't have to mean 'God' if that didn't fit with my views. There was zero lectures. We took turns reading from the books and discussing that topic. We could speak about our personal experience or just our thoughts in general. We could not say anything if we didn't want to and just listen. I could even skip my turn to read. The only part that might be off putting to an athiest was a simple 'prayer' at the end and I was told I could either skip it entirely or join the circle but not say the words.

I didn't go to al-anon very long because I moved but it was a great relief to have a group that 'got it' without me having to say one word. There is no pressure, no secrets, no skirting of an issue. It was fascinating to see other people that had worked through some of the things I was really struggling with and not only that but see the process of them working through it. The group I went to had people that were still with their A's, some had left, some were widowed, one was a parent, and one was a child. There was definately a sense of belonging that I did not get from even the most supportive people in my family - because they didn't understand in the same way others that had btdt did. Also - it was a relief to think about me, myself, and I. The topics were things I really did have control over - not my xah and his behavior. I was sick of him and I was sick of feeling so very afraid, out of control, and resentful of him for not being under my spell
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