I haven't gotten to a place of forgiving myself for the things I let go on yet, so I have no advice for that. BUT there is one thing I can do and so can you, take control of your own life. I'm focused on what I need and what the kids need, even if it's hard, I just keep going forward. When I feel like doing something is too hard...I think of the things AH did to me and I remember I am not at fault and I need to stop always putting his needs first.