I have spent so much time worrying and wondering since I changed my phone number and removed my ABF from my skype contacts. I'm scared for my ABF, because I'm pretty sure he is binging on cocaine and I know how crazy and even suicidal he gets when he does that. Of course, this is also exactly the reason why I decided to set these boundaries! But it's a struggle to let go of my need to monitor him. I sent him a text message today (there's a way to do it from skype with no return number) explaining that I have changed my phone number and deleted him from my skype because I need to focus on myself and think about what kind of relationship I want. I said that I was very hurt by his disappearance and feel that I can't trust or count on him, and so I've decided that for now we should have no contact. And I asked him to send me a check for the money he owes me. Maybe I was just stirring the pot by doing this, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted him to know why I've distanced myself and also know that just because he doesn't have my number any more doesn't mean I don't expect him to pay me back. I know that I have to surrender the fantasy that I will ever see a dime from him, but I just felt like I had to say those things clearly to him before I could let go. I hope that from now on I can resist contacting him. It's hard to be left with so many questions about why he disappeared. I know he's probably on a cocaine binge, but I will probably find myself trying to comprehend it for a long time. I am trying to work toward enjoying the freedom to NOT worry about him, though! I keep reminding myself that although this may hurt, the beauty of these boundaries is that he is officially no longer my problem. (Not that he ever was! But I sure acted like it for a while!) Thanks to all of you for your support this week, and I wish you all peace and joy over the holiday!
