I don't have long to write so just a couple of things to consider...
there are many spiritual principles which strongly suggest staying in the present, what has happened is something you cannot change...have the wisdom to know that. there is the saying in AA recovery "we did not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" may seem odd but really our past is our life, it is our path, it is where all of our lessons lead us to, and now you are HERE and NOW.
It sounds as though you are awakening to your spirit and your strength. you do not have to beat yourself up for not being here before, it has taken what has happened for you to get here, and as they say..."you are right where you need to be"
whether you were just simply and completely naive or whether you have issues that are hidden and are illustrated in your choices...either way you have clarity now in what you do not want. that clarity, the falling away of denial or "not knowing" can be very powerful. as you move forward be gentle with your decisions about life. No one can make decisions for you but you can keep reaching out, get a sponsor, use your therapist etc. you need to hear yourself speak, read what you write as time goes forward.
Also I find it very hard to accept advice from those who are not very aware of addiction. it seems to me that crack/meth/heroin etc have their own deep insanity that others just simply cannot understand. it is way too baffling, I even find sometimes that al anon seems too soft for me.
I did a deep codependent retreat with intensive therapy/counseling for a week and it was amazing. very revealing. I discovered that in a family of nine, with disdain and neglect from my mother, I sought my love where nobody else would...in my rageful father...everyone else was afraid of him but I had a way to "tame" his rage and get up next to his heart...SO??? guess what I have discovered? that turned into a pattern of choosing dangerous men that no one else would consider...20 year relapsing crack addict with bi polar? not only did I not really understand the insanity of the addiction but I thought I could be the one to "tame" it and by navigating the dangerous waters get up next to that beautiful heart.
read your life like the beautiful rich textured revealing story that it is, and take it toward the future with joy and fulfillment.