Karrie1207-
I can read in your letter all the discomfort and pain you are in. It is a tough place that you are in. For me it has gotten better and sometimes I think we have to go through really hard things for real growth. That does not make what you are experiencing any easier.
I too am shocked at what I allowed into my life. I am really angry right now that while dealing with the fallout of my divorce from a loved one with alcohol problems I am also really dealing with my own childhood issues that in many ways influenced my choices to later get into a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction.
I have not done this type of therapy, but what has helped me is something called IMAGO therapy. The idea alone is soothing to me. Essentially it states that we choose to get into intimate relationships with people who help us heal our childhood wounds. Though I am no longer with my exH, I do think that I am starting to heal not only from that experience but with the codie stuff that was in place way before meeting him. This idea has helped me to be easier on myself about getting into the relationship. Essentially I did what I knew and what was comfortable to me at the time. Al-anon, counseling etc are allowing me to create new pathways that have so much more to offer me.
That was kind of all over the place but I hope it helps. Knowing that my only job in all this was to heal myself really helped too.