I remember when my emotions were all so raw.... and I did better when I realized that much of what i was feeling was grief. What was I grieving? The loss of the dream, the loss of our life together as it once was and what I wanted again. the truth of the matter was that it would never be like that again. If he chose recovery? our life would be different. If he didn't ? Our life would be different. Yes , I most certainly went thru all the stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
I spent time learning about boundaries, because I didn't have good ones. I learned about what I did and did not have to accept in my life. It was a process, a slow one. But in time I learned that I could have a happy, full, healthy life. And so could my children. That's what I chose. So could my A. He made his own choice.