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Old 09-04-2004, 06:25 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
journeygal
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Wow Smokie, cool topic!

I've been in love with and/or had major crushes on a series of unavailable men. They've all been attractive, nerdy, brainiac types. It started in kindergarten with my first love. He dumped me, but it took me until 5th grade to get over him. The next guy liked me but fell for someone else before anything serious happened. I didn't get over him until 10th grade. I fell for a drummer in the high school band after I found out he was interested in me. Once again, nothing serious came out of it but my crush lasted for years, till my junior year in college. I then hooked up with a depressed future alcoholic who already had a girlfriend. It truly sucks that in my first relationship, I was the "other woman". We dated for almost a year and it ended when I started dating my first boyfriend. We dated for 7 years and finally just broke up one day. I was his first girlfriend and from day one, I was basically waiting for him to dump me. It took 7 years but it did finally end. Then I met Jack. He fell for me right away, which seems to be my pattern with men. They fall for me first but by the time I catch on and show interest, the guy has lost interest. But Jack never did. He was ready to marry me 3 weeks after we met. I made us wait two years. I should have waited a lot longer...

Jack is the only one who hasn't lost interest. He says when he met me he knew he would love me forever and regularly tells me he's never going anywhere. But boy, it's tough dealing with his crack mistress.

In looking at the three serious relationships I've had, I have been the rescuer in every one. I helped these men graduate college (while letting my own grades slip), get jobs, and basically helped them get ahead in life. This isn't something I'm proud of, b/c I totally put them and their needs ahead of my own. Had I focused on doing as much for myself as I did for them, I'd be even further along in life.

I think if I could choose, my dream man would be the high school drummer. He was super smart, went to the Air Force Academy, ended up going to med school, and now he's a successful surgeon - all without my help!

(Hell, who am I kidding - he was extremely emotionally unavailable...)
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