I've been taking a hard look at this topic lately. I have only been serious with a few men but they all seem to have the same traits.
1. High School Boyfriend: Great personality, funny, and saracastic, just like me. We liked the same things and ran with the same crowd. He was overweight and had major self esteem problems. He was my first "project". We dated about from 9th grade to 11th grade. I broke up with him because he seemed to close me off emotionally.
2. My first love: We had a long distance love affair between Florida and Michigan. He joined the Army and we wrote every day. He bought me a promise ring and I said no when he asked me to marry him. We eventually broke up. It took me some time to get over him. He still pulls at my heart strings today. The big attraction? He was very unavailable. I always felt like I was never number one. The army and his family always came first but I begged for his attention and gave him all I had.
3.My current love: He is a recovered aloholic and has been sober 20 years. He is also 16 years older then me. He is the "bad boy" with his motorcycle and live at a whim attitude. He is very open with his emotions but we disagree on financial issues. I make a decent salary while he does not. I own a car and a home, he does not. An outsider would say he is taking advantage of me. As a matter of fact, my entire family has told me this!! However, he is very handy around the house, loves me very much, and his very sweet and caring. We have been together 5 years. I know this relationship is bad for me but I do not have the strength to tell him I can't be with him anymore.
4. My current crush: A married man. It is a long story why I have these feelings but I know it is unhealthy. I will not act on them and I know he also will not. It is just stupid and I feel like a fool.
As you can see, and as I have realized, I am attracted to unavailable men. Both physically and emotionally. I think I do this because I have low self esteem and feel like "my dream man" would never want to be with me. Love is my problem area and where I become the most frustrated as an ACOA.