jackthedog

I already knew what my exAH did to get the charges against him, but he doesn't know that I know, much less that I was the one to call the detective so when I talked to my exAH about the charges against him for cultivating marijuana and paraphenalia, his responses were: "Don't worry about it, I took care of it", after my reply that I am worried about it because he has my son some times he replied: "Don't even go there and think you are gonna use this in the divorce proceedings", and when he asked me who my lawyer is I replied, you will know soon enough (because I haven't decided which one I am going to choose yet) and he replied: "Well if you're not going to provide that information to me then I don't have to give you any more information about this (charges)" To which I replied, "The name of my lawyer and the information on why you were charged are not at near the same level of importance". He proceeded to get angry that the information is for public view because he thought his lawyer took care of it and sealed it. I emailed the detective I worked with and he responded right away with the following:

"I am not sure why his case does not show the Cultivation charge that I put on him. He did plea to a misdemeanor on that charge according to the Prosecutor. The possession of drug paraphernalia was dismissed because he did plea to the Cultivation. I can only think that the Cultivation charge isn't showing up because it may have been sealed by his attorney."

So, after all of this I still am on the fence because:
1. I can hear exAH say he is only a once a month smoker of MJ,
2. he said to me when we had the conversation a year ago August and he asked me if he could grow it in our basement over the winter that it was only because he was interested in the scientific aspects of growing different plants
3. He has been good at sending me money every paycheck, goes to parent conferences at the high school, seems to be taking relatively good care of our son when he is with him, although he lets son spend the night at friend's house too often on the weekends
4. I didn't see him smoke MJ here at the house, maybe once a few years back in the garage with his friends, but I didn't confront him, he just sent me back into the house and tried to cover it up so our son wouldn't smell it or know.
5. Then there is the alcohol drinking to excess and his addiction now to working out.

Why do I still not want to believe that he has an addiction problem? This is only an underlying feeling, usually I do see that he has a problem and feel empowered by the fact that I am no longer a fool, but that underlying feeling still comes back now and again. I guess I am still working through this. The fact that his brother in law who is a criminal lawyer in another state got a lawyer for him to work in this state to get him off the charges pisses me off but also I have been having these conversations in my head that if I called the brother in law he would say I was crazy that exAH doesn't have a problem.

Does anyone else have these "on the fence" feelings and how do you deal with them?

I have been attending Al-Anon meetings and have learned so much and love to go, but I have a long way to go.