I felt that way very often at 3 months and thereabouts. At six months I felt like OMG! I am such a dork sometimes sober, how was I even tolerated when I was drinking??
Well it turns out I am OK but not the superstar alcohol leads us to believe we are, and I am OK with that at a year plus sober. I was more dorky drinking by far.
I found out where that left me. Surprisingly it left me with nothing. Well nothing really bad or dorky. But I still did have all my education and the few truths I had learned.
From about six months sober I realized that we indeed need to start with a clean slate, and here it is before us, and many times we look at the blank canvas we asked for, and we see the paints we can use and choose, and that the brushes are all cleaned and ready, but for some reason we say we can't, when won't is really the truth we need to face. I was afraid I would bung it up again.
We CAN do this thing right called life, we have given ourselves that second chance that many wish for, and don't recognize it when it arrives. In our case, we made that second chance happen. Now all we have to do is use it. For me easier said than done, but I am working on it too.
I am wearing the T-shirt of my sobriety and it has the stains of a year of tears on it. But it also has the stains of a lot of icing from the cake on it too. Some people cry over the stains they can't get out. I am still learning to smile at how they were made.
It doesn't get better. We get better.