My H was the only serious boyfriend I ever had. I fell for him because he was John Wayne. No gray area with him - everything was black and white - right or wrong. He'd go to his death defending what he believed was right - no matter what anyone else thought.
He was a man of few words but I knew that he loved me. He would tell me that I was "his world". He would be my protector. He was strong and I felt safe with him. I could never imagine a scenerio where he would allow me to be hurt in any way.
We both grew up in Codieville USA - a small town in the midwest. Every woman I knew took care of her husband. That was the way it was supposed to be. Even today, when I go back there, it amazes me. The women will tell their husbands when to eat, what to wear and if they are sleepy or not. It's amazing. It's all I ever knew. Women were in charge - men were to be cared for like children. The men seemed to love it.
The changes in my H were subtle and came over a long period of time. It amazes me that the very reasons I fell for him - his morals and his quiet sense of self - are the very things that are missing now. Or maybe, it was my projection of what I wanted him to be. I don't know.
Maybe I knew that he was needy. It didn't seem like he was at the time. He's a good man with a serious problem. While he's always been somewhat self-centered, I just thought that was a male trait. I would have never imagined the lengths that self-centeredness would take him.
L