Been an Adult Child of a Dysfunctional Family I first needed to see where all this Anxiety was Coming From before I could Do Something about it.
Below is what has helped me..................I needed to be honest with myself and admit to them or stay in denial....I answered Yes to all of the Traits at the begining............I have Much Improved sense I first read them.
I now know what happened to me .......So I can now change them.
My Character traits...............That Cause me to be over anxious
Here are Janet Woititz's Characteristics, published in her book Adult Children of Alcoholics.
1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.
2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.
12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
Tony A's Laundry List
a. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
b. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
c. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism
d. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
f. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables us not to look too closely at our own faults.
g. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
h. We become addicted to excitement.
i. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people who we can `pity" and "rescue".
j. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).
k. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
l. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
m. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
n. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Most of The above cause me to be overly Anxious.......Knowing them is the only way I can Change them.MC
I need to be on my Guard...........using Positive Statements to ease My Anxiety..........While I Re Parent Myself with gentleness,Humour,Love And Respect.
I need to work the Steps and the ACA Solution to the Best Of My Ability.
A good one is HALTS=Watch out for...been..Hungary.Angry,Lonely,Tiered,Serious
COPING STATEMENTS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY ABOUT ANXIETY
• I don't have to make myself anxious about anything, or put myself down if I stupidly and foolishly do make myself anxious.
• My anxiety is bad, but I'm not bad.
• I don't always have to feel comfortable, and it isn't awful when I don't.
• I can bear—and bear with—anxiety: it won't kill me.
• It is not necessary to be in perfect control of my anxious moments. To demand that I be in control only multiplies my symptoms.
• Others are not required to treat me with kid gloves when I feel uncomfortable.
• The world doesn't have to make it easy for me to get a handle on my anxiety.
• Anxiety is a part of life; it is not bigger than life.
• My over-reactive nervous system is a part of my life, but it's not bigger than life.
• I can take my anxiety with me when going places and doing things that I am reluctant to do (or stay isolated).
• Controlling my anxiety is important, but hardly urgent.
• Comfort is nice, but not necessary.
• I don't have to be the one person in the universe to feel comfortable all the time.
• I'd better not feel calm, relaxed, and serene all the time, because if I did, I'd have one dickens of a time motivating myself
• Anxiety and panic are burrs in my saddle: highly inconvenient and uncomfortable, but hardly awful.
• I don't have to hassle myself or put myself down for not coping better with my anxiety.
• This, too, will likely pass.
• I can blend in with the flow of my anxiety; I don't have to go tooth-and-nail, head-on with it.
• If I feel anxious, I feel anxious—tough!
• I may have my anxiety, but I am not my anxiety.
• I don't have to shame or demean myself for anything—including creating tight knots in my gut.
• Feelings of awkwardness, nervousness, or queasiness may interfere with my projects, but they do not have to ruin them.