SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Putting recovery into practice last night
Old 11-06-2011, 08:40 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Putting recovery into practice last night

OMG... So, I went out with girlfriends last night... As I said earlier, it was one of the girls 40th bdays and there were some concerns on my part about a few of the girls and their drinking. I weighed out my options and decided I felt strong enough in my recovery that I could go, enjoy the girlfriends I knew would be there who weren't the crazy drinkers and decided to not let the few who do frustrate me impact the whole night. I should add that this is a group of women I wasn't particularly close to in high school but have reconnected with them since we have kids the same age and clearly people change from high school (a number of these women were part of a bitchy sort of clique and I was not... )... This is relevant bc later in the night a few of these women (the heavy drinkers) rememebered how fun it was to be bitchy in high school and I became the target of it...

We all got together at the home of one of the women. Lots of food, not a lot of drinking, it was nice. As the evening went on, the hostess was visibly unhappy bc the bday girl was drinking a LOT and the hostess was uncomfortable and looked mad. I actually felt pleased with myself for noticing this and not letting it phase me-- I enjoyed myself and ignored the drama... Until...

Then the bday girl and her 2 cronies starting drinking hard. It was suggested by this trio that we go out on the town. The plan was for them to take a cab and I drove bc I'd had half a glass of wine in 3 hrs and clearly was fine. It started to become clear that the bitchy high school girl clique crap was starting (we are all 40 by the way)... so the other non alcoholic non bitchy girls and I drove together and the 3 "mean girl" drinkers (who most everyone else appeared to be wanting to appease) were going to call a cab.

We drive downtown and get a call from the mean girls saying they've been pulled over. They decided to drive and not cab it despite being drunk. Everyone I was with was visibly PISSED at hearing this.

The drinkers showed up (no arrest unfortunately) and kept at the bitchy stuff-- whispering and looking over at me and one other woman and laughing and then more whispering... I was observing it more than being bothered by it but did find myself increasingly upset that they clearly thought they were funny and no one else did. The other non drinkers noticed that this was happening and each of the other non drinkers said to me (I guess I gave off the vibe of come talk to me about your frustrations?) that they weren't finding the antics of the others at all amusing.

The bday girl started to puke, the bar made her leave and her 2 bitchy friends decided instead of taking her home in a cab, that they would tell me I should drive she and the hostess of the party home. The hostess wanted to leave anyway and I drove bc I cared about her-- not the drunk one. I was and am appalled that her drinking buddies were more concerned with staying and drinking more than they were taking their friend home. Drunk bday girl puked in my car 4 times. NOT happy.

I dropped them off and my girlfriend Holly texted to tell me to come join them again. I figured the drunk bitchy girls were gone and I returned. Wrong. Still there. I walk in and more whispering, back turning and overy mean girl bitchy crap... Lots of stories told that involved lines like "oh wait WTBH, you weren't a part of that were you?! hahahahhahah"... Again, this was just 2 of the girls-- the other 3 were not doing it and were great so I didn't let it get to me too much but my ego did start to hurt a little at this point... The non drinkers all said they felt bad I'd had to drive the drunk home and offered to give me gas $ etc... which I said no to. The drinkers who should have offered this or said thanks said nothing. Just the type of self centered alcoholic behavior I can't tolerate...

The evening went on-- more bitchy stuff and finally I'd had enough... I said I was leaving and the other 3 non drinkers said they were too (it feels odd to see that I was clearly the "strong" one setting some degree of boundaries in the situation and that the others appeared to feel much less comfortable setting limits with the drunk bitchy girls than me). I made it clear in the car (I drove the other 3 home bc they all live near me and I was sober as were they but I was the only one with a car) that I wasn't amused with the 3 drunks and as much as I loved seeing some of them, I would not be participating in our monthly get togethers anymore if it went down like the night had again. As soon as I said that, the other 3 were all over it-- in a good way-- no one was amused, and I feel pretty glad that I spoke up.

In high school I desperately wanted to be accepted by this group-- since we all re-met, I haven't cared a bit whether they liked me and ironically we've become friends. And last night was an awesome opportunity to put recovery into practice-- I could have set clearer limits I know, earlier in the evening, but I put some into place and I spoke up and said what I would and would not tolerate (without expecting anyone else to agree and not caring if they did) and it felt like I gave others the opportunity to speak things they might not have because I was open enough to say I was not cool with the antics...

So... quite an evening....
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
ady gil (11-06-2011), Danae (11-06-2011), LifeRecovery (11-06-2011), StarCat (11-07-2011), Tuffgirl (11-06-2011)