Originally Posted by
oakwood 
I'm much older, but that's basically the decision I have to make. Either do it or don't.
Oakwood,
It will never be any easier to quit for life than right now, and the more you delay, the more the inertia will sink in, crippling you. Give yourself a deadline when you will make a decision, such as "in two weeks," then take the crash course, and read RR-TNC, twice. Then, when your deadline is up, decide one way or the other whether you will or will not ever drink/use again. Either choice is fine in my book, but it is on you.
Once you have a Big Plan in place, though, you'll be able to attribute all thoughts or desire for drinking/using to your Beast. For example, if I happen to see a bottle of my favorite stuff, there is a possibility that I may recall the taste and feeling from it. If this happens, I attribute any such thoughts to my Beast, and not to myself. In this way, I can think "I do not have any desire to drink, only IT, my Beast does."
I therefore become an observer of my own body's desire for alcohol, which effectively neutralizes it. Although the frequency of such incidents lessen over time, it doesn't even matter how much desire my body generates, because I do not consider such desires my own. It is the desire of "Mr. Beast," which has been sentenced to life without parole inside my body. Too bad for Mr. Beast. I hope he has enough chalk handy to mark the days on the wall, because I'm not counting.