Lilamy- I can relate... the friends making constant references to "let's drink" is I know a socially accepted thing but it triggers me every freaking time...
And right now I have a constant sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach regarding drinking and my best friend...
She drinks (and tell me so as if it's a joke-- but occassionally will say she's alarmed that she's using it to cope) nightly-- wine. Not sure how much. Not sure it matters. Her marriage is a nightmare and she is me a year ago. Trapped financially, can't see that leaving or kicking her H out would be better than being financially stable... wants me to relate (and I can in a way) and lately the only time she is interested in having any kind of deep ish conversation is when she is drinking.
We went out to see a band play this summer that a friend of hers is in. I had one drink in the 3+ hrs we were there. She had a LOT of wine, a few shots etc... She knew she was drinking too much and said so... and she behaved waaaaaay overly fliratatious with random men (I sound like I am judging but really I am describing the scene) and continued to tell me throughout the night that I couldn't say a thing about her behavior to her H.
When it was time to leave I told her to give me her keys and that I was driving her home. Lots of rationalizing and finally she said she would sit in her car while I went to get gas and she asked me to get her a coffee and something to eat to absorb the alcohol and swore she'd let me drive her home.
When I returned 5 min later she had left. Called the next day to apologize, texted me that night to say she was fine (when we both knew she wasnt) and ever since then I have hyper alcohol sensitive when it comes to her....
So, I guess maybe some of my issues about socializing and friends and alcohol are really related to her. She has been the #1 person who has been supportive, non judgemental, and I felt I could rely on her for the past year like no one else. She's like family more so than a friend. Our families have spent holidays together, go on vacation together etc.... and I feel constant sickness thinking about how I see the path she's headed down and knowing I can't do a thing...
I'm supposed to go to a 40th bday event tonight at a friends house and I am dreading it... Last get together I bowed out early and it was awkward and I felt like an outsider bc I wasn't downing drinks and I felt irritated at how idiotic everyone else was acting...