We wake up when we wake up and hindsight is 20/20, so no beating yourself up, just embrace the epiphany.
When I look back at the stupid/dangerous/enabling/what was I thinking stuff of the past, I just shake my head today. But at the time I was living in the insanity of addiction/codependency and there was nothing "logical" about my world at all.
How grateful I am to be living in a better world of recovery today.
Hugs