Granted, I haven't had a chance to delve into Allen Carr's book yet, but here's the thing that eats at me lately. In "that other largely popular recovery group", I maintained 8 straight months of sobriety and really don't remember the cravings being a problem until the end...with AVRT I've only been able to accumulate 10 days. I still have a lot of issues with "that other largely popular recovery group" but I'm starting to wonder if I'm not the right breed for AVRT. A contract or a Big Plan isn't going to make me not drink. Even when I was a demented 14 year old with an eating disorder I once wrote a contract that if I ate food before the end of the day, I would give my soul to the devil. Granted, that sounds blatantly insane, but I canceled that contract anyway too.
There is some motivating factor beyond a Big Plan that I need...maybe it's the support of a peer group, maybe it's wanting to get healthy, maybe I need to find something to want to be sober for.
I am 26 years old and I know what drinking is doing to me, I know I'm addicted and I know each drink destroys every aspect of my being even more. When I'm ready, which I can't imagine being more than a month from now, I will be back at this but right now I'm just sick of being at work and consumed by problems work related, and then going home and being consumed by problems drinking/non-drinking related...it feels like my life is just a 24/7 battle whether I'm drinking or not.
Upon these findings, I will walk away from this thread because I already know the responses to practically every single sentence I just typed. I appreciate everyone's time spent on me and it was not for "a fake intent to use AVRT", I did want to quit drinking, and I tried and I failed. I will come back and attempt abstinence again when I am ready. But in all reality, I am a stubborn-ass mule that does not move when coerced but only by my own volition.