Flyaway: If,as you say, "You're" not playing a game does this mean that there is no game going on? If "you're" not playing it, then "who" is? And do you really know who "you" is? Could it be that "you" are being whipsawed by your own brain? Is it really credible to imagine that you are somehow trying to "discover" your "motivation" to give up drinking? If you are an alcoholic, there are various possible ways to "discover" this. One is to have a half consumed bottle of vodka in the car and to see those blinking red lights flashing in your rear view mirror. Another is to run over someone in the road, hit a bicyclist perhaps and then be told to get out of the car and put your hands on the hood. Another is to set fire to your house and be unable to rescue a family member. Yes, there are lots and lots of ways in which to "discover" motivation. If you are an alcoholic and keep drinking you may have quite a bit of "discovery". Trouble will find an opportunity to make plenty of housecalls.
W.