wanttobehealthy

I'm doing well, set even more clear boundaries with stbxah, enjoying my new job, working with my T, focussing on my recovery, supporting my D's...

But, with the holidays approaching and well meaning people asking things like "is your family supportive", "what are your plans" etc... I am finding myself sad.

My foo has not spoken to me since AH moved out. It's as if they don't know what to say and are uncomfortable and unsure what to say so they are just avoiding me. I reached out to a few of my siblings about a month ago and it was so awkward and strained that I made the decision it was best for me, for now, to just stay away. My history with my foo is that I am the black sheep-- never did anything to deserve that title other than the fact that I was unable to ignore the elephant in the room and always wanted to try and problem solve vs sweep stuff under the rug. So, it's not surprising that now that my marriage is over and the perfect image is shattered, that no one wants to touch me with a 10 ft pole.

I feel bad for my kids that their aunts and uncles have all but ignored them since mid summer and I don't have any explanation for it. I know my family will expect me to show up for Thanksgiving and that's not going to happen. I can't force a happy face and put on an act for a day and have already decided it's not going to happen.

Anyway, I am just feeling sad. I know life is better without AH, and I know it's healthier for me and my D's that I have put distance between myself and my toxic FOO for now but it leaves me feeling lonely. I have good friends and that's wonderful but I find myself wishing I had the family (either FOO or family with AH I thought I'd have) I wanted to have...

So, just feeling a little down today....