I struggled until about 4mths after the divorce with focus (about 10 after we started having problems). Then I got really mad. So mad that I could not focus on anything but how mad I was. I have a list of bullet points of all the mad I could get out (it took a couple of days). Then I was able to come back into myself, work got a little easier etc. I still struggle a lot more than I used to though, but have been reassured that this is often a side effect of hte healing process.
I fortunately have a GREAT counselor (I have such a great support team). I was able to work on a number of them with her at the time.
I have found a lot of "normalcy" in reading about Kubler-Ross's stages of grief. They are denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. This cycle it is minus the denial, but without the acceptance. Anger is up again and I think it might be time to buckle down with that anger list again. That is where I am with the relationship part of things....it is moving a little differently about the whole having kids piece.