outtolunch,
I don't mean to be rude, but I noticed you have kids. Being a woman (which I don't know if you are) and wanting to have kids while she is still able is not the strangest thing.
I think what bothers me most is the pressure of knowing that I'd like to start a family but the reality that I am seriously messed up right now and can't even afford to entertain a fantasy of it. That means I've got to let go of it.
You are blessed to have been able to have the family you have. I hope someday I will find the same joy.