Just maybe instead of 'pondering' all these 'thoughts' you concentrate on your OWN RECOVERY.
Concentrate on what YOU can do for YOU the next time you are getting ready to go on a binge, to not pick up the drink.
Every person's 'mental, emotional, and physical bottom' is different. Some never reach it, some take years. I have one sponsee that has been a sponsee for 20 years and she FINALLY just celebrated 3 years of sobriety. Yes, she has mental issues also, and they are FINALLY being treated now that she is free of the toxins from alcohol and some drugs.
So, what are YOU doing for YOU to work on YOU?
Love and hugs,