I went through that for a LONG time with my first XABF - constantly tried different things to make him happy, not get drunk, etc. and ended up drinking WITH him to put up with him or shut him up.
It took me becoming an addict, myself, to realize that I would find any reason to use. Sun shining - use, raining - use, bad day - use, good day - use. Though I would blame my XABF (#3 by then) for using, it was simply my choice.
I still have tinges of guilt for someone's actions or reactions, but the more I work my codie recovery, the rarer those times come. You could be a top-billing runway model, and he'd still find a reason to drink..probably because you'd be getting more attention than him. We A's can find ANY reason to use. It still comes down to that's what we want to do, damned the consequences.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy