I realize it may not have read this way, but one of the things I'm thinking about (and I guess I can see how it could be interpreted as me dwelling-- but I assure you I'm not) is just how different things are now. I'm remembering how miserable I was, and my kids were and AH was last yr at this time and at the time I couldn't have imagined not living life that way-- I guess I was resigned to it always being that way.
Having some distance from that life is I think what's making it hit me so hard as to how sick it was... I don't know if that makes sense...
Like I said this all just sort of hit me out of the blue and I was kind of flooded with a bunch of feelings and the more I'm thinking about it all the more I'm sorting out what I'm feeling...