Oye!! I've heard a lot of that "talk" from well-intended "friends." What has worked for me is ending the conversation by stating that I don't need/want to discuss the particulars of the decisions I have made. If I stay in those kinds of conversations, I find myself in a situation of defending/justifying MY choices... which I don't need to, nor should, be doing.
I did what I did, because of MY truths. That's it. My AH is now free to make HIS own choices, based on HIS truths.
Keeping it simple has worked wonders for my sanity - and eliminating circular conversations like that. Because the problem with those kinds of discussions, is that they usually end with me feeling like I *should* have been able to do something different, and if I had done something different... then maybe AH would have gotten sober! See it?!? I put myself in a situation where I am now accepting blame/responsibility for AH's choices!!! And, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM!! I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HIM!!
So... again... I avoid those conversations, and I avoid accept his responsibility!!
:-) Shannon