Welcome to SR. You are in the right place. I'm only 2 months sober so I hope some of the old timers come on with words of wisdom and encouragement. But I did feel just like you did. I just could not live the way I was living but couldn't imagine living without alcohol either. I knew I couldn't die, I have kids who count on me, so my only other option was to traipse into the unknown and change my life completely. I had to give it a chance. I'm already so happy I did. It is possible to do but I can't do it alone. I have this forum, as well as AA. My sobriety is my priority. You don't have to do this alone. We are here and we care about you. You can do this!