Courageouscrane-I broke up with my exabf after a roller coaster ride of three years-binge, argue, verbal abuse, apologise, detox, sober up then start the cycle all over again. tried everything, nothing (according to him) "worked".
I moved across the country to join him, to make a life together and as of now, I am making it on my own. I found AL-Anon, a good counselor and am now putting my life together one day at a time. It was only when I could accept that I had no control over his decision to drink and that the only things I could change were within me that I began to become more grounded and look to making my life better.
At one time, I could not imagine life without him and in doing so, kept trying for that life, to fix him, to wait for the next stab at recovery, to hope that we could be together forever. What hurt the most was the fact that it was an illusion on my part-it was what I saw as our life together. Acknowledging the grief on my part that this would never happen hurt like hell, it still hurts, I do still love him, but know deep in my heart that I had to let him go.The reality was that alcohol would always come first in his life-before me, our dreams and plans and frankly, it was more lonely for me with him than without him.
Take care of yourself, acknowledge your hurt and grief, keep coming back here, to Al-Anon, whatever it takes to help you begin the healing journey.......
Many Hugs coming your way......