I'm sorta in the same place. I feel your pain. I found this posts as I was sitting here crying, with deadlines looming over me, all I can do is think about my newly sober husband. He's been sober for 34 days now, out of rehab 2 weeks ago. He met a girl in rehab, he told me that she persued him physically while in treatment. She got outta rehab on Tuesday, Oct. 4th, relapsed on Oct. 6th and since then they have shared over 120 text messages. He's says it makes him feel better to help her, but he won't help our marriage - I make him feel worse he says. I fear I'm going to lose him to her and he'll lose his sobriety.
I too have to figure out how to control my thoughts and actions. Get myself healthy and strong. Good luck to you, I send you healing thoughts.