I don't have an answer or experience with an AH who got sober but I can relate to what you write. My AH was always a bit selfish and there were always a number of things I did not like (but I never said a peep about those things for years). BUT, in addition to these negative, he was thoughtful at times and nice to me etc... And that all went away as the lying and drinking and denial increased. I kind of think that he's spent so long now behaving in the ways he does (most of which don't involve drinking--- the nasty behavior, the lies, the justifications-- it all occurs when he's stone cold sober just as much as it does when he drinks) that it would take a superhuman effort to change. They say that something becomes a habit-- a knee jerk reaction kind of habit after you've done it x number of times and I know my AH has lied and deceived and been in denial for so long that I don't see how he could possibly break the habit. It seems to me it's become a part of him. It's no longer that he behaves these ways just when he's drunk. It's who he is. If that's become the case with your AH, I (and this is just my humble opinion not based on science or anything) highly doubt he's going to turn back into the thoughtful guy he once was. I think there's a reason that there are few marriages that make it even when an A recovers (at least this is what I observe in al anon- in my home group there's 1 marriage that made it). That's not good odds.