Seek- I see how it can be called Denial. I am not justifying my thinking but am trying to explain that it is as if I have lived in a different country, speaking a different language my entire life and literally in the past year am suddenly living somewhere unknown, speaking a new language and am being asked to believe that everything I've believed my whole life is wrong. I DO believe that my perspective has been very skewed bc of how I grew up and the abuse I grew to think of as normal but it doesn't mean that suddenly I snap my fingers and don't have moments of confusion.
That's why I came here. I sensed that my knee jerk reaction to think I was over-reacting was really wrong and I wanted to get my head on straight.
I guess until you've grown up never being told anything other than that your intuition was wrong, it's easy to be confused about how people can question their intuition. I feel like I am doing the best I can with the tools I have (checking in here, talking to T, sponsor and al anon group) to question my skewed thinking that pops up frequently. In the past I would have been concerned about D6 and beat myself up thinking that I was neurotic for worrying. I'm not at perfection but I know that I'm doing my best when I realize I might be thinking oddly and I check it out with others.
I wish my girls had a mother who hadn't grown up as I did and hadn't married the husband I did who reinforced all the mistaken beliefs I had about how wrong my intuition always is. Unfortunately they don't. I'm trying hard to get it all right each day for them and I appreciate the perspective you all have offered. Thank you. It really does help.